you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize