Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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