I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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