the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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