i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
