How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
