i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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