the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize