Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize