I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
