so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
