Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Never underestimate the power of titties
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
