I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
