I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
