hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
