You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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