I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
