I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
