we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
