I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
