You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
