im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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