I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
