I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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