I want to have your abortion
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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