Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
