So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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