Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize