I'm so fucking centered right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
