Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
