The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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