He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
