you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
