I didn't shave. On purpose
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
