i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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