those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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