So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
