I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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