Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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