i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
