Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
