I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
