vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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