I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
