No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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