Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.