Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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  (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly http://tfl.nu/cj2d
  Replies (39) Good night (997) Bad night (10299)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?

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  (972): Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life? http://tfl.nu/jl0s
  Replies (34) Good night (3265) Bad night (936)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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  (336): I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable. http://tfl.nu/7b9p
  Replies (12) Good night (3478) Bad night (1626)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.

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  (706): just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was. http://tfl.nu/tfbm
  Replies (5) Good night (684) Bad night (1785)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  no more duck duck goose at the bar

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  (484): no more duck duck goose at the bar http://tfl.nu/05y7
  Replies (6) Good night (2406) Bad night (904)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.

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  (931): Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever. http://tfl.nu/3e6h
  Replies (4) Good night (1505) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner

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  (530): tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner http://tfl.nu/ps9e
  Replies (7) Good night (535) Bad night (1049)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door

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  (336): We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door http://tfl.nu/uhw2
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (1156)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.

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  (757): All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude. http://tfl.nu/k2dr
  Replies (4) Good night (1485) Bad night (502)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I think I died last night.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah, you got carried home

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  (708): I think I died last night. (414): Yeah, you got carried home http://tfl.nu/8211
  Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (324)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone

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  (775): Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone http://tfl.nu/zeql
  Replies (7) Good night (401) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.

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  (831): Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/t35m
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out

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  (440): so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out http://tfl.nu/ke1e
  Replies (0) Good night (271) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher

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  (519): He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher http://tfl.nu/uiek
  Replies (7) Good night (847) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.

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  (618): I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious. http://tfl.nu/09v5
  Replies (0) Good night (578) Bad night (228)

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