Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.