You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....