Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
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Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly