We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.