doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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