i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
