Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
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Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES