Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow