just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?