I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie