I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I understand Curling. That high.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
is that a dick in a sweater?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*