on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first