I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
