I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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