wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
