I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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