You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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