I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dick very happy bro
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
