I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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