After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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