Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just had sex bonerless
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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