I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
