I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
