I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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