Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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