she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
